


Less Talking...

by respoftw



Series: 2018 Hurt/Comfort Bingo [8]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Episode Related, Episode: s05e06 The Shrine, M/M, Slight Jennifer Keller bashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 11:02:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15604872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/respoftw/pseuds/respoftw
Summary: Post-Shrine, there are some things John misses.





	Less Talking...

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for how depressing the last fill was...this is cheerier!

Rodney finished his first beer of the night before John had even wrestled his own out of the plastic wrapping that held the first of the two six-packs together.Rather than comment on it, John downed his own just as quickly and unhooked another two from the pack when he was done.

Rodney nodded in thanks but didn’t seem up to talking yet.John was ok with that.He knew Rodney well enough to know that Rodney wouldn’t stay quiet for long.It just took a bit longer for the important stuff.Content to wait it out, John kicked his legs idly, swinging them where they dangled off the edge of the pier.It was a cool night with just enough of a breeze for the long-sleeved flannel shirt he wore to stave off comfortably.

 John watched the light of the moon glint off the towering spires of Atlantis that lay across the water and let his mind wander to the last time he and Rodney had sat there.

 The shudder that ran down John’s spine didn’t have anything to do with the night air.It had been less than a month since Rodney had recovered from the Second Childhood.Second Childhood.Jesus, that was such an innocuous name for the hell they had gone through.John had been through a lot in his life; seen friends shot down in front of him; been fed on bit by bit by a Wraith; but watching Rodney lose himself incrementally until all that was left was a confused, barely coherent shell was - - it was the worst thing in the whole world.

John had barely kept it together throughout the whole ordeal.The only thing that had stopped him crumbling was the fact that he had to be strong for Rodney.Most of the time that meant smiling through the pain, greeting him with a ‘hey, buddy’ when all he wanted to do was yank that damn parasite out of his head with his bare hands, not even caring if it would kill him; at least that way he could die with some dignity.On one memorable occasion it had meant letting Rodney punch him, letting Rodney take it all out on him, all of it; the pain, the fear, the unfairness of it all.It was that same night that John had first held Rodney in his arms.

 How fucked up was it that in the midst of the very worst thing that he could ever imagine watching someone he cared about go through, John had found something to cherish in it?That first night, with his nose still dripping blood from Rodney’s left hook, John had gathered Rodney in his arms and held him while he shuddered through great, heaving sobs.Rodney’s sobs had been accompanied by a litany of apologies for hurting him but John just held tighter and told him there was nothing to be sorry for.Rodney had fallen asleep with his head in John’s lap after about twenty minutes and John had sat there, unwilling to move, for almost five hours.  It was the first time he'd saw Rodney at peace since that first brain scan.

After that night, it was like a dam had broken.The next time Rodney had started to break down, John didn’t even hesitate.He had pulled Rodney into his arms and held on tightly, whispering fiercely in Rodney’s ear that they would find a way to fix this, that he wouldn’t have to face this alone. 

 As Rodney lost more and more of himself, he started to instigate the cuddles - there really was no other word for them - himself.John would walk into the infirmary and Rodney would smile, hold out his arms and - - it would have taken a stronger man than John not to give in to that. 

 Jennifer had tried to pry Rodney’s hands off him the first time it happened in her presence, ostensibly in an effort not to make John uncomfortable but Teyla and Ronon had dealt with her swiftly.John hadn’t needed to explain it to them.They were team.They were _family_.They understood. 

 Rodney never wanted cuddles from anyone else.Only John.

 The fact that he missed that made him feel like the worst kind of asshole.

 “Jennifer liked me better when I had the parasite in my head.”

 Rodney’s words jerked John out of his memories as effectively as a bucket of cold water. 

 “What?”

 “It’s true,” Rodney said.He had finished his second beer and started on a third in the time that John had been thinking and his cheeks were flushed pink with the alcohol.His eyes were clear though, blue and blazing with a sad sort of anger that made John want to pull him close.

 “I told her I love her,” Rodney continued, oblivious to the fact that those words hit John like a sucker punch. “When I had the thing in my head, I told her I loved her.I remember saying it - at least, I think I do, but it wasn’t her that - - whatever,” Rodney shook his head, “it’s not important.What _is_ important is that she asked me out for a drink and I went because, y’know, she’s blonde and young and hot and...I made a comment about the latest batch of scientists that the SGC sent and she - she said that I could stand to be a little nicer.Like how I was when my brain was slowly dying.”He turned to look at John, looking him clear in the eyes.“Can you believe that?”

 John was far too aware where his mind had been previously wandered.How was he any different than Keller?She wanted Rodney to be nicer and John, well, he wanted Rodney to need him like that again.

 Rodney’s eyes widened with a hurt that transcended the sad anger from before and John watched, confused for a moment, as Rodney shakily pushed himself up to his feet.“I guess you can believe it,” he muttered on his way up and, just like that, John got it.Rodney must have seen something on John’s face, something that made him - -

“No, wait.Rodney, please.I don’t - - I would never want to see you like that again.Keller is, she doesn’t know you, she doesn’t... _fuck_ , Rodney, I would _never_ want you to change.”John’s own beer, drank too fast, was catching up with him as he wobbled to his own feet, his arm reaching out to stop Rodney from leaving.

 “What the hell was that face about then?” Rodney yelled, pulling his arm free.“If you think I’ve gone five years without learning your ‘guilty about something’ face then you severely underestimate my genius, Colonel.”

 “Fuck,” John cursed again, trying desperately to find some more eloquent words to stop this turning into a situation that they couldn’t recover from.God knows Jennifer had ruined any chance she ever had with Rodney by saying what she had, even if Rodney had paraphrased her words slightly.  (John really hoped he had because, if not, John was going to find a way to kick her blonde ass out of Atlantis.)

“Right, that’s what I thought.” Rodney’s shoulders slumped in defeat as he watched John struggle for words.

 John watched, horrified, as he turned around and started to walk back along the jetty towards the city.Fuck.No.This couldn’t...

 “Cuddles!” he yelled, finding _a_ word at least.Rodney didn’t turn around but he wasn’t moving anymore either so...John swallowed hard and kept talking.“When you were...I hated every second of it.I hated seeing you slip away that little bit further every day.I hated saying goodbye to you each night and _knowing_ that there would be less of what makes you _You_ the next morning.I hated, really fucking hated, watching your snark and your arrogance and your bullishness disappear.I hated it.But...”John trailed off, not knowing the words for the next part, the important part.

 “But?”Rodney turned around to face him, his jaw set but his eyes softer than before.

 “But,” John started again.“But I’ve spent the majority of the past five years wishing I could touch you.Wishing I could be the one to comfort you like that when you lost another scientist or hold you like that when you got hurt and - - Rodney, I would never want to watch you go through that again but...” John shrugged, shaking his head.“It felt good to be there for you.I - I miss that.”

 Rodney’s jaw clenched, the muscles moving underneath his skin, and, as Rodney started moving towards him, John steeled himself for another punch. 

 The punch never came.

Instead, Rodney pulled him close, wrapped his arms around him and pushed John’s face into his neck.Tentatively, still half expecting Rodney to change his mind and punch him, John brought his own arms around Rodney, closing what little space remained between them.

 “When I remember saying ‘I love you’, I remember saying those words to _you_ ,” Rodney whispered.“You’re always there for me, idiot.Have been for five years.”

 John shushed him, burrowing deeper into Rodney’s neck.“Less talking," he teased, "more cuddling.”

 John felt Rodney’s mouth pull in a smile, the movement rustling the hair on his head.“I can deal with that.” 

 They stood like that for thirty more seconds before Rodney ruined it by breaking the silence again.

 “I know, I know, less talking but...there won’t _just_ be cuddling, right?There’ll be kissing and sex at some point too?”

 Well, maybe ‘ _ruining_ ’ it was a bit harsh.

 “At some point soon,” John grinned.“But for now - “

 “Right. Right.Less talking, more cuddling.” 

**Author's Note:**

> This fills the cuddling square of my H/C bingo card which you can see [here](https://respoftw.dreamwidth.org/19969.html#cutid1)
> 
> Please feel free to suggest which square I do next, I'm aiming for blackout!


End file.
